FR de Alessandro aka MR. Testicules aka LE ONS MASTAH PLAYA

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topic: FR++: Joy of Gaming. (1 of 15)
board: Field Reports
from: Alessandro / profile / recent posts by Alessandro
(first login: November, 30, 2001 05:27 PM)
date: Thursday, January 12, 2006 12:20 PM
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I fucking love bars. I love the sleazy drunk bitches that guys HAUNT
throughout the night. I like the dynamics, the cheap transparent
attempts at putting down other guys. I FUCKING LOVE winning bitches;
it's not about her, it's about me being better than every other drunk in
the house.

Last night I did so many sets, I was fucking high on my own achievement.
There was a point in time when I saw my perfect image in the glowing
dark reflection of my Black Russian, just when all the ice melted. It
was love at first sight; I thought what I saw was the most beautiful
thing ever. A Pimp Named Slick Back, you say the whole thing, like Tribe
Called Quest!

Where do I begin, where do I begin? So I ditched the girlfriend and told
her to stay home. It's fun loving you hun, but sometimes I gotta do what
I do best, crash and burning. I was also supposed to meet up with some
ASFer dude, fuck him, I SMSed him and I don't think his land-line does
texting.

I hit the bar and kick the shit with the bartender. I am celebrating
three years of frequenting this same bar, and pulling nearly ten chicks
from the middle floor alone.

While I am drinking, this HOTTIE comes to talk to the bartender, I steal
her from him:

Me: Hi :-)
Me: this might be a little offensive (just to get her attention)
Me: but I wanna play a game with you
Me: I am gonna tell you name of a person
Me: and you say "Yes" if you look like her, or "No" if you don't

Her: Ok :-)

Me: a younger, but more naive Jennifer Aniston

Her: I can go for that, yeah!

Me: wow, you didn't like that, should I have said Gweneth Paltrow?

Her: no, I like Jennifer better

Me: fuck Hollywood, wouldn't you say Broadway is better


BOOM! Attraction is on. She turns around to face me fully. I go on for
more attraction and some rapport:

Me: it's hard to judge by looks alone
Me: tell me three things about you that are not considered cool or great
Me: a flaw, a weakness, a phobia, a guilty pleasure

GAME GAME GAME. This girl was nearly bagged. She consciously stops
herself "OMG, I didn't even come to have a conversation, but time just
flies, I never thought I would open up to someone like this" ... awkward
moment, she leans in to kiss me, I take her arm and twirl her around (I
am still sitting) I slap her ass, give her a hug and tell her "we can't
kiss yet, we're still in friendship mode" I was afraid she might kiss me
and never return, like happened so many times after quick sparks of
attraction.

BAD MOVE! That girl was quickly taken by some genuinely good guy. Man, I
love her tastes in men, he was the only decent Good Guy, she really
didn't go for a player I could cockblock later. I went to her set and
she introduced me to him. Funny how she hugs me but stands at a distance
from him. But she likes him more, and I can tell. I leave them alone
because they looked so cute together, and I would've been a dick if I
attempted to cockblock a really good guy (he was warm toward me and he
looked cultured; OOPS! I am DDB for a dude!)

So I crack my fingers and get myself back into action. What follows was
a night of SUPERIOR GAME. I opened about twenty bitches, and every last
fucking one of them opened perfect and I got tons of attraction.

First girl; Chubby goth chick who turns out to be gay:

Me: hey, I dig your style, the only person with a taste in here

Her: *flattered*

Me: I myself am going for the Miami Vice look

Me: which one is better this .. or this (fashion advice)

Me: can you tell allot about the person just by the way they dress?


For a moment there her attraction sparks and she wants to have this
conversation, but she says something something and it starts to click in
my head that the "goth" chick is a actually a butch lesbian and her
table of girlfriends is having a private night :-P NEXT!

I see Spanish guys haunting two easy white bitches. One of the bitches
is having her 23rd birthday. The guys are committing PU crimes left and
right; leaning in, giving her a massage, buying her flowers, etc. I go
up to them and over hear her saying shit like "I am a country girl, I
grew up with horses, I still carry with me my southern hospitality and
loyalty to friendship" HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA, HOLLY MOTHERFUCKING SHIT.
This is AWESOME. I listen some more and one of the spanish guys is
saying "yeah, I have been to south carolina, great friendly people" ..
HAHA, I was like no shit, you fucktards. I turn around to them and like
a fucking megaphone on ant colony, start yelling at them:

Me: HAHAHAHAHA

Me: hey small town-girl, watch your ass around here

Me: we don't value hospitality here, HAHA

Me: I shouldn't be even talking to you, you don't have what it takes

Me: You don't have that UMPFFFF, the pizazz, the spark that girls have

Me: you're too submissive and friendly, I would walk all over you

Me: and you can't stop me :-D


Oh shit did she bite, BOY did she bite! She shoved and pushed her way
through five guys and came after me. It was the most satisfying session
of "putting the bitch in her place" I have ever had. I ask "what can you
do different than all girls to impress me?" she says "I would slap you",
so I go first and slap her in the face, she hits me back and punches me.
ALL spanish guys are like WTF? her girlfriend was like OH SHIT! This
girl was wearing a short skirt, knee high furry boots (the newer ones)
and had thick thighs just made for ridding.

Her girlfriend comes up to me and wants to start shit, AFTER I made
friends with the birthday girl She wants to go through the same process.
But the friend is hostile and not flirting, she is the drag away girl.
She makes fun of my clothes, which she can't fucking touch, because I
was looking so fly and so money anyway. So I tell her to fuck off
because I didn't like her. I told her "I don't wanna slap you cuz you
might be pregnant", she was a chubby chick and her confidence just
fucking sinks. I am bad ^_^

While I was swimming in self congratulation, I look behind them and
there are two white guys by themselves, holding coats and flowers. OW
SHIT! their boyfriends HAHAHAHA.

I see a girl with four guys. No kidding. Four wannabe rocker guys, all
in black t-shirts, messy hair, studded belts and arm bands, the works.

Me: hey, this girl is working four guys

Me: you're a pimp man

Me: high five

Me: so do you slap these hoes? how do you put them in their place?

Me: my grama was a total pimp, she would get anger fits and go karate on
guys

Me: this girl is gonna be AWESOME when she gets old

Me: like the best gramma EVER!

Me: [taking her hand] show me your knuckles ..


Yet another awesome set with passive submissive guys. ONLY if I stopped
being such a narcissist and actually tried to pull bitches.

I spot a guy on a date with a girl:

Me: WOW, you guys have the best chemistry anywhere

Me: I can feel the electric charges

Me: did you guys meet on Craigslist?


They laugh

Me: oh wait, I bet you met on eHarmony.com

Me: did you answer the sixty "Compatibility Questions"?

Me: I was drinking at home one day and decided to go on eHarmony

Me: I took some pictures of me doing Arnold moves [flex muscle]


They were in fucking stitches. Making people laugh is such a great
feeling. I was like "you guys are awesome, I better go bother someone else."


I see a mixed set, three guys, two girls, one of the girls disinterested:

Me: hey guys, ever feel like a million bucks?

Me: WOOHOOO, tonight I feel like FIVE THOUSAND DOLLARS!


More DDB from people, damn I am on a roll.


Me: [pointing at disinterested girl]

Me: hey, watch out for her!

Me: ever watch the discovery channel?

Me: she is the curious buffalo that gets eaten every time

Me: ever see that?

Me: there is one buffalo who feels like letting his free spirit roam

Me: you see him running to the hills, smelling flowers and chasing
butterflies

Me: before you know it, BAM!


More laughter.

More people pass-by and I go completely nuts:

Me: [yelling] I WANNA DO SPEED DATING!

Me: You, what's your sign, NEXT, you there, what's your name, NEXT

Me: and you, and you and you and you

Me: speed dating meets ADD, what can I say, high speed romance!

Me: I can make love to you all night long, hey look, PIZZA!


Man, I reached a level of game high so fucking acute even I had to break
under its pressure. It's that level between god and titan, so powerful
yet so radical. Bad and Good meet and mesh together to make me one loud,
annoying, AWESOME entity. Material just pumps itself from the great
never ending keg of material. Game spews itself from the game-jar; it
literally jumps out on its own, forms a line on the table, does a little
line dance like the M&M characters, then it explodes in the face of
everyone around like little grenades of shit. Whipe your face honey, I
am doing mixed sets tonight.

WOOOOHOOOOOOOOO, can't wait to do it all over again.

As always, fuck the man, fuck the system, fuck the weak, fuck the normal
and power to the people. Later Merry Fucking Chirstmas to my rastafari
brothers; jah loves you and you are his child, in his image and desciple
of the great Selassie the mesiah. Peace out to all my niggaz; rp_5150,
goose_, ultra_k00k_4u, ankh-fo-shi-zle, jlaix, PlayerSupreme, my nigga
Mike Coolie (Light up a fat one for this one) THUG LIFE!